Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
