I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
id be glad to
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
