Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
