It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
