He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
