My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
