happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
