i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
