your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
