he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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