tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
