so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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