WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
