If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
