is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
