Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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