They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
