i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize