doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
