Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
