yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
