I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You need a sexual gate keeper
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
