I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
