just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
