as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
