Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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