Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
