If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
