fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
sex in a hospital.. check
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
