I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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