Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
