Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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