I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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