Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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