Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize