I wish I could teleport
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
