while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
