pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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