1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
