Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
