College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
