And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
