The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
