We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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