im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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