I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
