I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
