He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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