his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
