some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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