Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
