Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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