My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
