life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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