One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
