Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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