Swine flu. Run for my life!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize