Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
