If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
