Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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