ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
