there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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