dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
