Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
