Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
