so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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