dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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