I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
