i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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