im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
