We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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