just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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