Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
